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Published : September 10, 2010 |
Author : Jeanie1
Category : H. Fostercare and Adoption | Total Views
: 357 | Rating :  
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 Jeanie1
Sandra Nardoni is a home educating adoptive mother of three. Sandra mentors adoptive homeschoolers who are struggling to teach children with attachment issues and severe behaviors. You can visit her site at www.adoptioncounts.com/blog
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Inspiration is a powerful tool. It seems that when we are inspired, we are challenged to new heights of learning and achieving. My son who plays the piano and composes music heard a girl two years his senior play a piece that was executed flawlessly. The parents in the room wept, it was performed with such feeling and dynamics. Ezra came home and immediately started to work it out on the piano (he plays by ear), and has been working on it ever since. Inspired to new heights.
I recently read a book about the great military general, Hanibal. His conquests against Rome were brilliant in the extreme and his army followed him with a devotion that was longsuffering and deep. Not only was he clever, but he treated those beneath him whom he led with kindness and respect, while always expecting the best of them. As I read about Hanibal I was inspired to be like him in my leadership style--leading my children with a respectful compassion that makes them naturally want to follow my example.
Unfortunately, the desire I feel as I close the last chapter of my book, and the realities I face the next day, are not easily joined. It's hard to love unconditionally, to serve without expectation of reward, to respect those who don't often respect us. I honestly don't wake up with great intentions of being an inspiring person--nor can I always be inspiring. In any case, I recognize my job will be easier the more I am willing to die to self and love my family into learning. I love the way Shirley Quine describes it in this excerpt from an article she wrote.
"I Peter 5:2-4 establishes a proper attitude regarding our children: 'Tend -- nurture, guard, guide and fold -- the flock of God that is [your responsibility], not by coercion or constraint but willingly... eagerly and cheerfully. Not (as arrogant, dictatorial and overbearing persons) domineering over those in your charge, but being examples -- patterns and models of Christian living -- to the flock. And [then] when the Chief Shepherd is revealed you will win the conqueror's crown of glory'. Our 'flock' as parents is our children. Once your unconditional love is firmly established, then your children will want to follow your leadership and to embrace your teaching and beliefs. When children grow up in a home where their mother and father demonstrate love to each other, where they receive unconditional love as expressed through eye contact, physical closeness, and focused attention, they will want to have a relationship with their parents, and will hold dearly the Christian world view."
Although Mrs. Quine focuses her attention on passing on beliefs to our children, (which is important to me and, I'm sure, many of you) it is true that knowledge of any subject can be more easily transmitted to a child through a loving and non-judgmental parent. Indeed, it is the key to everything--Jesus is the best example we have of that!
When we are parenting adopted children, the process of bonding and attachment can go on for years after the adoption is finalized. Even children adopted as babies can exhibit extreme and frustrating behaviors because of early neglect or the trauma of being separated from biological family members. Homeschooling mothers are with their emotionally demanding children nearly 24/7 and need to have a plan in place to avoid burnout.
Here are some tips for overcoming exhaustion and defeat so you can love well--
1. Have a list of people to call in moments of frustration who will hang up and pray for you. Make sure they are people who understand your special situation and won't lecture you or try to solve the issue in that moment. They need to be committed enough to answer the phone and hear your request for prayer and then go pray. What a huge blessing this list was to me the first two years my children lived with us!
2. Read a Proverb every day. It takes two minutes to do and somehow the Lord brings the words back to you in the midst of your most difficult moments. When I don't have time to do it first thing, I keep a Bible on the back of the toilet and read the Proverb in the bathroom. God doesn't care where you meet Him!
3. Make up a code word your spouse can use in tense moments to remind you your children need your understanding. Then, have the humility to back off when your spouse uses the word!
4. Use re-dos to teach and train your children so you aren't falling into the habit of using punishments that aren't effective.
As you think about these things, practice focusing on relationship. Don't get too caught up in textbooks and lessons if your child is stressed out and needs some extra attention. Taking the time to inspire learning means building relationship first and leading by example. As you show your children what it means to be delighted with learning, they will follow suit.
In my next article I will give examples of what inspiring learning looks like and how anyone can teach their children how to love learning.
If you would like more information about homeschooling adopted kids you can get a free audio course by visiting my website, homeschool behavior problems. |
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