Fulltime Mama My name is Elizabeth, and I am the happy wife of nine years to Fabio and fulltime mama to four beautiful children: Joshua-7, Dominique 5, Israel- 3, and Johann-18 months! We are currently living in Brazil as missionaries and life never ceases to be an adventure!!! I love motherhood with a passion and am passionate about providing a place here at MamaKnowsBest where mothers can learn, grow, and share ... pooling the wisdom of many into one big jackpot for mothers. View all articles | Contact author

I am so excited that MamaKnowsBest has had the chance to interview Mrs. Kendra Smiley - LIVE!  She was very

gracious to agree to this interview and I so enjoyed getting to meet her - what a godly woman and vivacious sanguine!

I hope you have read PART ONE of the interview, in which we were able to get to know Mrs. Smiley a little bit better and PART TWO of the interview, about parenting and the strong-willed child. In this segment, she will be speaking with us about marriage, especially for those of us with children. She give some great practical tips here, so read on!

Stay tuned for the next (and last) segment, in which Mrs. Smiley will be speaking on managing a home-based business!

Also, enter a comment below to win a copy of one of Kendra's books! More info below!

      YOU CAN ENTER ONE COMMENT PER INTERVIEW SEGMENT, SO THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO IMPROVE YOUR ODDS AT WINNING A BOOK!!

One of your books is titled Do Your Child a Favor … Love Your Spouse. Could you explain a little bit about why that is so important?

John and I have established the following as our priorities, which is probably the only way we are the same - this list of priorities which we agree on! They are:

1. God
2. Marriage
3. Children
4. Work
5. Other Good Things

That's the list of priorities that we want to live by. And those are not just a time allotment, like "4 hours to God, 3 hours to John" -- no. It's a relationship commitment. And they are based on the longevity of the relationship.

I have three grown children. I used to say that when they were little, I played a starring role.  Then, I was a supporting actress. And now I got a bit part. And that's just how I want it. I don't want to have a 35 year old man who I am mommying. It's just not appropriate.

So, it's based on longevity. For example when I think of "other good things" I've done, be it vacation Bible school or being president of the PTO – those things pass most rapidly. 

Then, in the category of "work".  No one that I work with is going to visit me in the nursing home. Let's face it.

Then children are next, but your relationship with them morphs as they grow.  Also, a note to mother-in-laws out there: your kids are a #3 on your list, but you are a #5 on their list ("other good thing"), so that's important to remember!

And then comes my relationship with John, which is "til death do us part".

And then the Lord, which is eternal!  So, I want to make the biggest investment in that.

So, the first step is to take a look and see if you can't establish shared priorities.

Then, I like to say that I wanted our home to be an "aaaaahhhhh" place. A place where the children could say, "life's been beating me up, but now I'm home!" A safe place. And one part of that is mom and dad loving each other. That is security.

Look at your differences, knowing that we can bring out the strengths in one another: I'm more of an extrovert, whereas John is more of an introvert. Or just differences between men and women – that's enough to make you go crazy right there!  When you work on those things in a positive way – you do your kids such a favor, and you give your kids skills that they are going to need in any relationship! 

Loving one another is such a wonderful foundation for your kids.

What are some practical ways that mothers with young children can make their marriage a priority?

Part of carrying something out is purposing to do it.

One of the things we resolved early on was that we went to bed together. There were times when he had to get up in the middle of the night to fly, and he would go to bed when it was still light out, so that was kind of hard, but for the most part, we went to bed together.  We decided that it would enhance our relationship if, when it was time to go to bed, it was time for both of us to go to bed. And sometimes we had to negotiate, but it meant that I didn't mop the floors at 10:00 at night, because he was ready to go to bed. And that was great! Who cares about the floors anyway? It's been mopped once or twice since then!  :-)

Another thing we did was this: John had crazy hours, but whenever he came in from work, he would give the boys a big hug and kiss, and then he would say, "Okay, I'm going to talk to your mom now, and then I'll be in in a minute and we'll play."  So our kids always saw that we had a relationship. His basic personality is introverted, but he was always a talker when it came to me.When I say that, some parents tell me, "OH, my kids would never go for that!" And they might complain at first, but it is important for them to see that their parents have a relationship, and that it is a priority.

It is a matter of taking the time and making the time.

Also, we would have a "S.A.M.S." meeting -  a "Sunday A.M. Summit".  So, whenever we had issues, especially if there was some tenseness to them, whether it had to do with the children or with our relationship, we would say, "Let's talk about that at the SAMS meeting.  And that was good, because it diffused it, first of all.  By the time you had the SAMS meeting, you were cooled off and not so defensive.  And we would talk about everything, from "This kid is driving me crazy" to "Do you think it was a good way that I handled that?" or he may say, "That really made me feel disrespected, when you did that." – and I would have had no concept that it did. 

We also had a Bible study that we did, not just the two of us, but with a whole group. We had a thing called "Growth Group", and it was all young couples our age.  Now we are all in our late 50's and many of us are still very, very good friends now!  But it was a place where we could talk about some of the challenges, and we would take a good book on marriage and we would plow our way through it. John and I led that for years.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, Mrs. Smiley, for sharing with us! It has been a pleasure hearing from your heart!

CLICK HERE to skip to Segment Four, in which Mrs. Smiley speaks on managing a home-based business.

You may also want to check out her site: www.kendrasmiley.com

NOW, TO WIN A BOOK!!! Mrs. Smiley has given two copies each of four of her books for readers of MamaKnowsBest!  Simply leave a comment below to be entered in the drawing, which will take place after the last of the article segments is published. YOU MAY LEAVE ONE COMMENT PER INTERVIEW SEGMENT, SO HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO INCREASE YOUR ODDS AT WINNING A BOOK!!!  You do not have to be a member to leave a comment and enter the drawing!!! If you have a preference about which book you would like, you may include that in your comment. MORE INFO ABOUT HER BOOKS HERE: Kendra Smiley's books.    BE the Parent: Seven Choices You Can Make to Raise Great Kids High Wire Mom: Balancing Your Family and a Business @ Home Do Your Kids a Favor.... Love Your Spouse Journey of a Strong-Willed Child