Jeanie1 Sandra Nardoni is a home educating adoptive mother of three. Sandra mentors adoptive homeschoolers who are struggling to teach children with attachment issues and severe behaviors. You can visit her site at www.adoptioncounts.com/blog View all articles | Contact author

I ask if his stomach hurts. NO! I ask if his throat hurts. A little... I get him a Halls and he pops it in his mouth and asks if we can cuddle on the bed.  Good! Using words is good.  We all pile on the bed and read stories while my bread for lunch finishes baking.

As I'm setting the table for lunch Gabriel starts being nasty to me.  "This food is horrible--bleh."  He normally loves every kind of food under the sun but especially fresh bread and skillet lasagna.  "I'm not eating this."  Rosie is getting upset at him and so is Ezra.  They aren't appreciating his nasty words at mommy.  "Why is he being so mean?" Rosie asks.  I'm quiet and say I don't know.

Suddenly, Gabriel bursts into the kitchen and yells--"You said we'd see [our old foster family] before winter and we haven't!  I want to see them! Look outside!  It is almost winter now and we still haven't seen them!"

Now we are getting somewhere.  Poor Gabriel.  The rain made him believe his chances of seeing the only family he remembers having before his adoption were slipping away.  Expressing his fears immediately dropped the tension level in our house considerably.  We talked a bit about it.  I told him we were going to see them soon--we were deciding on a date.  He felt a little better and the day went better after that.

I am continually amazed at how often I can make a direct correlation between my adopted children's defiance and their sadness, anger and fear.  If you have adopted children--try to imagine what it is that may be making them sad or angry before you respond with punishment.  As a result, you will find your relationship growing and their healing facilitated.

If you are preparing to adopt, check out our book, "On Our Way to Normal" and read about our story.  Get tips about preparing for adoption interviews, bringing kids home, and parenting with understanding after the fact.  Get the adoption information you need by following the link in this post.