Lori I am a stay-at-home wife, and mom of three beautiful children. I'm currently filling other roles including Worship Leader, Home Group Leader, PTO President at my kids local public school, Pet owner (one cheeky dog named Clever), daughter, sister, and in-law. I'm most of all a trophy of God's grace, getting so much more than I deserve. View all articles | Contact author

To be busy at home

Busyness has become a badge of honor in today's society.  Ask anyone how they are and they usually respond with an automatic "fine", closely followed by "I'm so busy".  In most cases, what they mean is busy everywhere else besides home.

I need to say right off the bat that I am really depending on God to continue to teach me in this area.  I find myself in a cycle of being humbled then finding God's grace giving me strength over and over.

Titus 2 says that younger women are to be taught "to be busy at home" or a "keeper of the home" but what does that really look like?  Let's talk about some practical hows and whys of staying busy at home.  I have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom.  We used to be called housewives but now that term just makes us think about some naughty women on a t.v. show.  The word wife comes from the same word as "weaver" because we are the ones who weave into the family life.  Incidentally, the word husband is from house band, the one who holds everything together.  Single moms have to do both jobs.

I had a beautiful example of homemaking in my mother who gave me the tip to never leave home with beds unmade or dirty dishes in the sink (which can be exceptionally challenging when you don't have a dish washer) but I have to confess, while most days you'll find my kitchen in order, many times an unexpected visitor will find a sink full of dirty dishes and clear evidence that the house was left in haste.  I love to entertain, and always like to be prepared if someone stops over for a cup of tea. Even though I can't say my home is always hospitality-ready, I once heard that the majority of people are living in a state of CHAOS:  Can't Have Anybody Over Syndrome.

I recently picked up the book Shopping for Time by Carolyn Mahaney.  It's a small but ultra-practical book that helped me sort out how I prioritize my time at home.  Here are a few things I learned: 

Eph. 5:15-16 says:  "Be careful then how you live, not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil". So here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you plan ahead to maximize your fruitfulness each day, or do you simply let life happen?

Do you make choices based on scripture or on what feels good and right at the moment?

Do you strategize to use your talents to bless your family and church, or do you employ them primarily for your own personal fulfillment?

Do you evaluate every opportunity in light of biblical priorities, or do you do whatever it takes to get ahead?

Do you consider whom God would have you serve, or do you try to please everyone all the time?

Carolyn says, "We must look backward to ponder our life so far so we can avoid past errors and repeat former victories.  We must look forward and not embark on a course until we've considered where it will lead.  We need to take an honest look inside and question our motives and reasons for the choices we make.  It means we look around and take stock of our present fruitfulness.  We look beside us to those we are joined with for critique, help and wisdom from fellow believers.  And most of all, we look up to seek guidance from God's Word."  This is what it means to be wise in the way we live.  

Did you notice that there are only two ways to live?  Two kinds of women to be?  Wise or unwise.  I encourage you to pray through Proverbs and discover the keys to becoming wise. We show our wisdom by making the most of every opportunity, by making the best use of our time. 

Let me just stop here and say that there are seasons of life, and I don't mean to condemn anyone in any season of life, whether you're a mom of a newborn, an empty nester or somewhere in between, life comes in seasons and God grants us grace in whatever season of life.  With that in mind, I would like to give you some tips found in Shopping for Time to help you make the most of your days: 

-Rise early
-Sit still
-Sit and plan
-Consider people
-Plan to depend on God

Rise early

Why early?  Can't I stay up late?  It's all over the Bible: in the Psalms, the Prov. 31 woman rises "while it is still dark" to provide for her household, and Jesus Himself rose very early to pray (Mark 1:35).  On this subject John Piper says, "I earnestly recommend that it be in the early morning, unless there are some extenuating circumstances.  Entering the day without a serious meeting with God, over His Word and in prayer is like entering a battle without tending to your weapons.  The human heart does not replenish itself with sleep.  The body does, but not the heart . . .We replenish our hearts not with sleep, but with the Word of God and prayer." 

Carolyn Mahaney has started the 5 a.m. club:  she sets her alarm for a few minutes before 5, then calls each of her daughter's house to make sure they're up (at their request, of course). Get up early, pour yourself a cup of whatever, get in the Bible and pray. But I'm not a "morning person" you say?  It really doesn't take a miracle, but it does take discipline and a reliance on God's grace.  I don't want to have any harsh words for "night people" so I'll just read this little quote from Martha Peace: "I have heard of women who pride themselves on being "night people".  That means they have trouble getting up in the mornings because they come alive at night.  They may stay up till all hours reading, watching television, or pursuing some sort of interest.  The next morning they are too tired to get up and care for their family . . .these women are not 'night people'.  They are lazy and selfish.  Who would not rather stay up late to do whatever they please and sleep late the next day?  Once a young wife begins getting up earlier than her children and husband, she will cease to be a 'night person'.  She will be tired at night and go to bed at a reasonable hour so she will be there to serve her family the next morning".   

My mom was a brilliant example of this.  Each morning I woke to the smell of breakfast cooking, and when I came to the kitchen, there was my mom finishing off the last of her coffee and putting her Bible away.  She spent time in the word every single morning before tackling the work in her home.  Isaiah 50: 4-5 has some beautiful insight on this principle:  "The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.  We wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.  The Sovereign LORD has opened my ears and I have not been rebellious, I have not drawn back." (NIV)   Letting God's word be a lamp to our feet and a light to our path makes all the difference in a fruitful life.  But look at verses 10-11: " Who among you fears the LORD and obeys his servant? If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God.  But watch out, you who live in your own light and warm yourselves by your own fires.  This is the reward you will receive from me: You will soon fall down in great torment." (NLT) We can rise early and ask the Lord to help us plan our day, or just let the day happen to us.  The choice is ours, but what we sow, we reap.

Sit still  

In the biblical story of Mary and Martha, one sister occupied herself with the busyness of entertaining while the other sat at the Lord's feet to listen, and was commended for it.  When we sit still and seek God through His Word and Prayer we find WISDOM for walking carefully through our day, we obtain GUIDANCE for daily decisions, we find PEACE in the middle of life's whirlwinds, and we find STRENGTH to complete our tasks. Martin Luther said, "Tomorrow I plan to work, work, from early until late.  In fact, I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer."  

Let me emphasize, however, that whether we spend 30 seconds sending arrow prayers up to heaven or three hours on our knees, we can't do anything to gain God's approval. God's approval was won for us once and for all in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and when we chose to accept the gift of salvation, we have the Father's approval "not by works, lest any man should boast".

Sit and Plan – for both short term and long term.

We need to plan for making the most of each individual day, but also take time to plan for long term things. Make a list of priorities like:  Growing in Godliness, loving my family, serving the church, fellowship with Christians, reaching out to the lost, attending to my work, caring for my physical health.   I spend an hour each Sunday planning my week: reading the sale papers, planning the week's menu, clipping coupons and making my shopping list.  If it would help you to plan daily, weekly, and monthly chores out, I have compiled a sample list of chores here.

Let me challenge you to take some time for a retreat to make long term plans for things like developing a fresh new plan for your personal devotions, improving your marriage, being a better friend, continuing your education either formally or just modeling to your children the importance of being a life-long learner through reading good books. Ask the Lord to show you how to reach these long term goals.

Consider People

Many people make lists about everything, but how about making a list of the relationships with the people in your life.  You need friends who sharpen you, friends who mentor you and those you can mentor, you need friends who need friends, and friends who have yet to meet Jesus.  People matter to God and therefore must matter to us as His followers.  Prioritize people.

Plan to depend

With all the best plans carefully in place, you also need to learn to depend on God for your strength.  Plan on leaving room for Him to interrupt your day. C.S. Lewis said, "The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's own or real life.  The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life—the life God is sending us day by day: what one calls one's real life is a phantom of one's own imagination. This is at least what I see at moments of insight, but it's hard to remember it all the time." 

We must learn to depend on God for grace and strength. To be humble, and find His Grace.  In all our ways to acknowledge Him, and He will direct our paths.

Being busy at home is a challenge, but when we say "no" to the busyness of other things and seek the Lord, He will help us to be productive, and fill our days with joy in serving Him.

Getting our Priorities Straight

(A sample list to start with)

Growing in Godliness

Consider your practice of meeting with God and ask yourself "How can I make my devotions more fruitful?"  Maybe we struggle with consistency and need a friend to keep us accountable. Maybe we need a new Bible reading plan or devotional.

Evaluate your progress in personal holiness:  "What is one area of my life that God is calling me to a higher standard of holiness" Maybe we are tempted by fear or unbelief in the midst of trial.  Maybe our spouse or a close friend has pointed out areas of pride or self centeredness.  Is there a pattern of bitterness or unforgiveness we need to conquer with God's grace?

Loving our family

Make a list of our immediate family and ponder the question "what is one family relationship I want to give more attention to in this season?"  Are there any challenges in our marriage that need prayer and attention?  Does one of our children or someone else in our family need special attention during this season of our life?  Do we need to work on repairing a damaged relationship with a sibling or another family member?  Ask "How can I more intentionally show love to this particular person?"

Serve in the Church

Ask yourself: "Am I using my gifts to minister to the people in my church family?"  Or are you spending a great deal of your time and energy everywhere but the church. 

Ask "Is there a relationship I need to prioritize for the purpose of open, accountable fellowship?"  Or conversely, "Are there relationships that are hindering your walk with the Lord and open fellowship with other believers?"

Evangelize Non-Christians

Give careful thought to the relationships you have with people who are lost.  Maybe you don't have any of those relationships and you need to consider ways to engage someone around you.  Ask yourself "Who is one person I can develop a friendship with for the purpose of sharing the gospel?" 

Attend to my work

Whether you work at home or outside in the world we are commanded to "work heartily as for the Lord, and not for men"(Col 3:23) Ask yourself, "Am I doing the work that God has called me to? What is one way I can be more efficient or effective in the work God has given me?"

Care for my physical body

Remember that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and you are called to be a good steward of it.  Remember also that we must not become a slave to our physical appearance either.  Ask yourself "Am I giving too little or too much attention to the care of my physical body?"  And "What actions should I take to put that care into perspective?"  Maybe we need to join a gym, or cancel the gym membership that takes time away from our other priorities.  Ask the Lord to give you His perspective.

Questions for Consideration and Discussion

Being Busy at Home/Practicing Hospitality

Consider the steps discussed on practical ways to be wise in the way we spend our days:

Rising Early – Do you see the value of rising early, or do you feel it's more of a personal preference?

What can be gained by meeting with God in the morning that cannot be accomplished at other times of the day?

Sit Still – What is your current plan for "personal devotions"?  Is it working well for you or is it time to make some changes?  Do you need accountability in this area?

Sit and Plan – Do you have a specific way you spend time planning your day?  Have you ever taken some time to seek God to help plan a season of your life?  Are the priorities listed below in line with your priorities and how does a typical day in your life reflect them:

Growing in Godliness

Loving our family

Serving the Church

Fellowship with other believers

Evangelism through friendship with non-believers

Attending well to our work

Caring for our physical body

Consider people – Who in your life sharpens you the most? Are you reaching out to those who need a friend, or those that need Christ?

Depend on God –Do you actively depend on God to accomplish His will in your day? 

Practicing Hospitality:

1.  What is hospitality?

2.  What should be our motivation for hospitality?

3.  What is keeping me from having people into my home?

4.  What is a realistic goal for me to have people over?