Fulltime Mama My name is Elizabeth, and I am the happy wife of ten years to Fabio and fulltime mama to four beautiful children: Joshua-9, Dominique 7, Israel- almost 5, Johann-3 and expecting a new baby in April 2012! We are currently living in Brazil as missionaries and life never ceases to be an adventure!!! I love motherhood with a passion and am passionate about providing a place here at MamaKnowsBest where mothers can learn, grow, and share ... pooling the wisdom of many into one big jackpot for mothers. View all articles | Contact author

This morning a new mom wrote me wondering if I had any tips to wean her baby off a paci. Her little one is three months old, and she started giving her a pacifier to soothe her in the car. However, she now feels “awful and horrible, like a bad mommy” for introducing her to something addictive and wants to know how to dispose of it.

Well, let me start by saying that, while I have never been a fan of the pacifier, its use should certainly not make anyone feel like a bad mommy! In the grand scheme of things, it really is a mole hill and certainly not a mountain.

When I was a first-time mom, I was convinced that I would NEVER let one of those “things” near my baby – ever. Period.  I was so adamant about it that thinking back on that time makes me laugh!!  I was convinced that I was to be the only thing to soothe my baby, no plastic substitutes.

By baby number two I softened a bit and figured I would allow her to have a pacifier, but ONLY in the car, where I could do little else to help her.  However, she decided early on that she preferred to suck her fingers, and would immediately eject the paci in favor of her two middle fingers. Oh, well.

With babies three and four, I stuck to the car-only rule when it came to the pacifier. I saved it for times when they were truly not able to be soothed or distracted by anything else, and it worked fairly well. I never offered it to them outside of the car, so they never became really attached to it, and by six months or so, they wouldn’t even take it in the car. Which was totally fine by me.  In the early months though, I would certainly have preferred to give in to the paci than listen to a screaming newborn!

Now that I have described my experience, let me back up a little bit and explain my position.

I am not a big pacifier fan because I feel that it creates dependence that I don’t feel good about encouraging. I don’t like to have to have some thing like that along all the time, in order to have a happy baby.

I don’t like to give a baby a pacifier early on (like the first six weeks or so), because they are likely to nurse less since their sucking needs are being satisfied elsewhere. This can tamper with mama’s milk supply and baby’s weight gain when used with frequency.

I don’t like to see babies who are big enough to walk, walking around with a pacifier in their mouths. It is a personal pet peeve, I guess.  

HOWEVER, it is not a big issue, in the grand scheme of life, so I would like to say to the mother who wrote me: Cut yourself some slack as a mother. If you decide you really don’t want her to have it, just don’t give it to her anymore. She will adjust!

If you think you would like to use it, but limit it to the car, give it to her in the car and stick to the guidelines you have set. She can adjust to that too. J

And even if she gets really attached and you are still wondering how to wean her from it when she is four years old, please remember that the use of a pacifier does not define who you are as a mother, nor does it determine the character of your child. 

Try to spend the majority of your mommy-energy on those things which truly are character issues or have an eternal value.